We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you never un-have a 4some
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
