I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
