We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
