"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
