whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
