Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
