Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
