dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
