I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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