Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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