so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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