Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I party with great urgency now.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
