She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
