I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
