Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
