I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
