Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
