So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
