it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
