they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
