Dual....:-)
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
