have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
