Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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