dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He shit in the fireplace
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
