i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
