Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
