Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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