So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We had sex on a dog bed..
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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