i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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