so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
