My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
