I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
