He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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