The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
