laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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