I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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