She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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