All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
