i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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