Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
