you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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