We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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