I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
