We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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