just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
