Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
