went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
