Christians are straight up FREAKS
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
