Im at strip club and am horny
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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