ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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