You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
