Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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