1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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