Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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