So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
