DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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